Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
