so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
