I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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