hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
