I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
