you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
