My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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