Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
