he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
