Your mouth is God's brothel.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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