i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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