i just sent this text using only my big toe
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
