so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
