Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
