after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
