just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
