My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
