i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
