He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i can't believe i had my finger in that
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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