Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
