The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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