There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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