Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
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you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
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I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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