did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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