It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
