Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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