i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We are all done wearing pants today
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