Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
