you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Randomize
