Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
