her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
