i barfeds in our rink
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
