Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
