Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
