He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
