I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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