We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
