I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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