you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
