Tell her she can't have a vagina
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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