he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
