it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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