You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
