wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
