Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
