You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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