i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I will be naked everywhere
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
