ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
