I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
