That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
