guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
tell me about the eggs
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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