Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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