you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
