Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
