This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
