Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
