i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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