Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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