Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
