wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
