I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
