Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
