i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
