I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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