Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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