..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
