Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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