I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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