He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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